Fear and Loathing and Baked Goods

I went to LV with my partner for 7 days, in celebration of his birthday. We spent the first 3 days at a NASCAR race. It was pretty fun. I got a funnel cake, and some kettle corn. I bought a pink hat, having decided to cheer for the best-looking driver, who not-so-coincidentally has a lot of pink merchandise for girls just like me. He often wins races too, so that's a plus, I didn't buy a hat from a loser driver. The main race on the third day zipped along quite well and had a good finish.

The next 4 days creeped by. Yes, I said creeped. We had a lot of fun experiences, but by the tail end, we were sick of paying exorbitant prices for half-hour long exhibits and any food outside of McDonalds, sick of salespeople hounding us at every corner, sick of walking four thousand miles to get anywhere, and for me, just plain sick. I got a sore throat on the second day of the race weekend and spent the whole week coughing up a lung, which may have been second hand smoker's cough, the dry air and higher altitude, an actual illness, or some combination of the above.

In spite of our collective complaining, we had a lot of fun. We saw Carrot Top at the Luxor and it was incredibly funny. We laughed our asses off and kept repeating the gags and one-liners all week. We also saw the Blue Man Group which was extremely entertaining, though my heart rate didn't slow down until I was sure the show was over and the Blue Men weren't going to pull me on stage. (Once, during a concert in elementary school, a guest singer put a microphone in front of my face to sing a line from a song and I refused to open my mouth. Forced audience participation is not my thing.)

The main thing that I'll repeat from my partner's Facebook description of our trip is the joke that Carrot Top made about our hotel - "Have you guys seen the Excalibur? I had to walk through it to get to New York New York - it was like walking through Jersey! What a dump!" The basement of the hotel consisted of a 4-D Sponge Bob ride and "Fantasy Faire", which consisted of a handful of crappy games that Ruckers would have rejected. I wouldn't recommend staying there. I wouldn't even recommend entering the building. Just admire the turrets and you're good.

We also went to see the Bodies exhibit. I made sure to comment in the guestbook that I felt uncomfortable (though obviously still saw the exhibit so not THAT uncomfortable) after having previously read on the internet that the bodies may have been victims of humans rights violations. I chose to avoid the room with the fetuses, which B confirms was the right decision to make.

The wax museum was fun. The best photo we took was of my partner with "Britney Spears", which I'm sure you've seen on my Fbook by now.

I bought a bunch of clothes from Charlotte Russe at the Outlet Mall. I like that store. I checked out H&M but didn't see anything worth trying on. I did see a shirt that I had seen the day before at CR, for $10 more. I like the clothes I bought, but once the exchange rate went through on my credit card, the prices weren't so outlet anymore.

There is a double decker bus that travels the whole Strip, from Fremont Street to the Outlet Mall. The bus is part of a line called "The Deuce" and when you ride them, they have booming female voiceovers explaining every aspect of riding, like how much it costs for various usages (one way, 3-day, etc), not to eat, how to go up and down the stairs, AND when to breathe in and out (ha, ha). It was a little annoying to wait for the bus to load up us slow-moving tourists at each stop, but it was mostly a very efficient to travel across the Strip (well... more efficient than walking, at least). Whenever it stopped, the voice shouted "Ride the Deuce!" and eventually I really wanted the voice to be one of those cartoony radio station IDs, complete with sound effects. "You're riding The Deuce. the deuce. THE DEUUUUCE!" At one stop, someone argued with the driver for about ten minutes after having tried to use $21 to buy 3 x $7 passes for 3 people. Which would be fine except that ticket machine at the front of the bus, that accepts the money and spits out the passes, very clearly indicates that it DOESN'T GIVE CHANGE.

We stood in front of ti (Treasure Island's newer, funner name) waiting for the pirate show, twice, and both nights, it was cancelled due to high winds. I think I'm going to look it up on YouTube, because I bet I can find it there, and I don't even have to ride the Deuce to see it, or wait in the cold wind to hear that it's cancelled.

We went to M&M world, which is a great place to pay $12/pound for one colour of M&M and to see a barely functioning 3-D movie staring the red and yellow Ms and a live actor whose accent I couldn't decipher. Coke World, or whatever it was called, actually had some nice stuff. I got lip gloss that smells like grape Fanta, though I'm a little disappointed because the store sold scratch-and-sniff shirts that smelled like "grape fanta", but to me they smelled like grape hubba bubba, which gave me an intense flashback to being in elementary school. The lip gloss doesn't smell as strongly as the shirt did.

I wish we had stayed at the Venetian, because that hotel is gorgeous. The Bellagio is also very nice, though we tried to check its 24-hour conservatory and it was under seasonal renovation. What kind of conservatory changes out the plants for the season? How is that conserving anything? Anyway, the Venetian is hooked up to an even nicer, pricier hotel called the Palazzo, and the bathroom at the Palazzo casino is the nicest bathroom I have ever had the pleasure of peeing in. I was almost hesitant to sully it with my presence.

In particular, St. Mark's Square in the shopping mall at the Venetian had a living statue, and free shows with opera singers in costume. I don't think I'd ever buy an opera cd, but listening to those ladies belt just shattered my pre-conceptions of opera. I got goose pimples listening to those voices. I'd listen to opera, live, in the future, if I came across the chance. It was fun to just sit and watch the living statue, as well. Those two things are some of my stand out memories.

I went to a Bouchon Bakery kiosk at the Venetian twice, both times for pain au chocolat. The second time was our last night there, and I carried it in its little box all the way to the airport and home with me, to eat the next morning. It was everything I ever hoped it could taste like. Though the conservatory at the Bellagio was closed, the hike to the hotel was worth it because I found the Jean-Philippe Patisserie, photos below. Little desserts like that just melt my heart to bits. I nearly cried.









Our hotel did have a Krispy Kreme, whose donuts are lighter than Tim Ho's, and dare I say, due to the lightness, tastier. (Please don't hurt me.) Perhaps it is the lightness of the donuts that causes many people to order a box of donuts, either themselves or as a couple, and eat the whole box for breakfast. I usually had the $1 fruit and yogurt from McD's and a hashbrown, and my partner usually did the McD breakfast meal, which was way more economical (and less disgusting) than a $12 buffet. We occasionally topped off breakfast with a donut each, but I can't imagine eating a box of donuts for breakfast, or any time. The thought continues to blow my mind.

I read numerous references to the greatness of the Burger Bar (New York Times, guidebooks, LV magazines...), but the burgers were nothing but sub-par. My turkey burger was dry, and my partner's mini burgers were nothing special. None of the food we ate there was great, except for the bakery goods. It's probably good that I haven't discovered a French bakery at home yet, or I'd lose my job because I'd be drowning in fancy desserts every day intsead of going to work.